Goeie more Internet (That means good morning in Afrikaans, if you aren’t from South Africa).
It’s been a crazy time lately. Like, wowzer.
Anyway, on the previous post, I mentioned Jesus speaking to me about something personal. Now I just want to expand on that quickly, give you a better idea and explanation of what happened.
So, I was at a course that night and some emotional things came up to the surface. I eventually realised that what I was feeling was that I struggle to feel loved. I really do. In my mind, people can say and do things not because they care but because it is the right thing to do. So, they might not be doing things because they love me, but because they are obligated to do the right thing. That’s what happens in my head.
As I walked out of the house, the bracing wind surrounded me and the only light around me was that of street lamps. I started walking home and I began to pray. My prayer went something like this:
Lord I’m sorry. I feel so crap right now. I’m nervous about walking home, but Lord that’s not why I’m praying. I’m hurt Jesus. I don’t really feel loved, not by my family, or friends. I know that they do love me but something is holding me back from believing this.
At this point, my prayer was interrupted. What I’m about to tell you probably happened within a split-second but it didn’t feel like it.
A cloud of light appeared before me and Jesus stood at its center, streams of gold and silver flowed in bursts of light from behind Him. His robe was whiter and purer than anything I could describe. Words will fail at every turn in trying to describe Him.
But His face, it shone with joy. Love. Peace. Holiness & power. I had no doubt in my heart, this was Christ. I had seen His feet on the cross (read here) before, but this was something else. Anyway, I looked on Him and I don’t know how else to describe what was inside my heart.
He looked at me, He smiled and He spoke into my heart and said “Thomas, you are loved”. And like that, it was over. The light, the cloud, the Lord, they had disappeared. And I can tell you, I felt peace. I felt…healed. I felt true love in my heart. It was amazing.
I was chatting with a close friend this morning and told him about this. After his initial disbelief and positing that I had hallucinated, he brought up that my friends and family do love me. I had said this in my prayer, had told the Lord that I do mentally know I am loved but something inside me couldn’t believe it. But this experience changed so much. Really, it did.Not only do I believe now truly that my friends and family do care, but I also feel… cemented in place, with the love of God 🙂
Thank you for reading and have a great week ahead 🙂