Broken and Okay

Dear Internet

Today I was reminded of something. About trust, vulnerability and brokenness. As humans, we are all broken and hurting creatures before God. We all have something that modern society says is wrong with us. Something imperfect. And you know what? We are imperfect.

I’m not someone who trusts people quickly and easily. That happens over time. Even then, I only tell my inner most thoughts and feelings to God most of the time. Because people suck. No, noooooo they don’t. But really, I was talking with a friend and I felt like God was telling me to trust them with something hard. Something I don’t like telling people. So I shared something with them that I’m now going to share with you. ‘But Thomas you handsome stallion of a man’ I hear you say, ‘how can you possibly go from telling one person something personal to telling the Internet?’ I’ll tell you how: a leap of faith. Trusting in God that He will help you to understand what I’ve written, that this will not backfire and that He will help me learn to trust people more.

I’m going to confess something to you. Some of my brokenness, my “baggage”. Are you ready for this? I’m not. Let’s do it!

In our society, we often see kids with ADD/ADHD medicated straight away. Children that have no choice but to be distracted easily. I am one of those kids. I spent about 8 years taking Ritalin and then Concerta. To help me focus and do better at school. Well, it didn’t work so well, I barely passed maths. When I started college, I took myself off the medication, because of the side-effects. It made me suppress my emotions and I struggled to eat and sleep because of it. I thought I was an insomniac in high school because of it. Anyway, being ADD isn’t all that bad. I eventually taught myself how to concentrate on what was happening in front of me. If it’s a lecture, you focus on what the content is, try and understand where the lecturer is going with it. If it’s a normal conversation, you look at the persons face constantly, maybe you nod or smile once in a while. I had to teach myself how to converse with people normally. Being a pretty socially-inept person, these were hard things to learn but I did. Sort of proud of myself. You really don’t need to medicate kids with ADD, they can be taught how to focus. Yeah, it might take longer than normal and they won’t always get it right, but when last did you do something perfectly? Anyway that’s not the main point of this. Because ADD isn’t all that bad. It makes certain things frustrating and has had a large impact on my life, but hey, what can ya do?

No, there is a bigger side effect that seems to scare people. Let’s talk about depression, kids! One of the side effects that ADD can cause, it’s thankfully my only one, is depressive tendencies. It’s usually trigger by an event, but sometimes can simply be caused by me coming down off an emotional high. Normally it’s not a long period of time, about 3-4 days but it can last up to two months (record high for me). If you want a picture of my life, imagine a time when you don’t feel like sleeping or eating or doing anything. You simply be. You wait out your day. I don’t even feel like playing video games during these times. You become a prisoner of your mind and heart. Nothing appeals to you. Now I’ve heard people say to those who struggle with full-blown to depression things like “Can’t you just get better?” or “Just cheer up”. Now, if that is about as useful to me as a screen-door is to a submarine, imagine how useful it is to those who suffer from the really intense depression? I’m getting distracted though.

See, society tends to view those who suffer from emotional hurt and/or mental issues, with contempt and fear. Like we’re freaks. Like we need to be avoided. But there is something else to this.

I’m addressing this to you. All of you. Internet, here comes the longest sentence ever: You might be ADD, you might have had crappy relationships, you might be paranoid, you might suffer from schizophrenia, you might be bipolar, you might struggle to trust people, you might be a kleptomaniac, you might suffer from depression, you might have been born deaf, you might have diabetes, you might have been horrendously bullied for the way you look, you might be anorexic, you might be  prone to giving miscarriages, you might be a drug addict, you might be an alcoholic, you might have problems being faithful, you might be albino, you might have no sight in one eye, you might have no money, you might be dishonest easily, you might be anti-social, you might be divorced, you might be the child of divorce, you might be adopted, you might have skew teeth, you might struggle to keep a job, you might be mentally unstable, you might have a temper problem, you might hit your children, you might be none of these, you might be ALL of them (Please private message me, we need to talk) and society will constantly remind you of this fact and put you down for it, but there is also something else about you: you’re made in the image of God. Hidden behind your brokenness, your flaws, your issues, you have value. You are a human being. God made you with these problems, these trials in mind. Not to hurt you or trip you up, but to make you stronger. To bring you closer to Him. To show His glory through you.

God made you in love. He didn’t make a mistake with you. See, I’ve got loads of other things “wrong” with me mentally and emotionally, but I truly believe that God made me uniquely for a unique purpose. The same He has done for you. And your scars are testimony to that. Testimony to Him being able to bring us through our darkest days and blackest nights.

Your scars make you who are. Sure, maybe you need to medicate for some things to make life bearable. I’ve been there. Maybe you need to go see a counselor because you are struggling to cope emotionally. Go for it. There’s no shame in it. When you are taking your medication, when you are seeing a shrink, I want to tell you this: remember God. Ask Him to help you. Come to Him. Pray. Worship. Glorify Him. If you need healing, then pray for healing. If you have been healed, thank the Lord! I’m always happy to add people and places and things to my prayer list, if you want to be prayed for, just let me know. Or talk to someone. But please, go to God. He can help you. He will walk that road with you. Go to Scripture and see what it says.

 

Now, go out there and have an amazing day and continue to be the amazing, fantastic, wonderful, unique, mysterious, wild people you are. God bless you and may you walk with Grace and Peace.

Lots of love,

Thomas 🙂

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