There are a lot of videos on the internet. By golly, there are a lot. I spend way too much time on Youtube looking at some of the worst and stupidest videos you could ever imagine. So I was introduced to a different kind of video last week. At the last session of a course I was doing, we were shown a video called “The Father’s Love Letter” and, it made me feel things. I understand that some people might already know it but I will include a link at the bottom of the post for those who don’t.
The letter is a collection of verses and pieces of Scripture about the Holy Father’s love for us and this post is meant to be like an open letter back to Him. This might get personal, I’m going to edit as little as possible though. Here it goes I guess:
My Heavenly Father
How do I even begin to understand You? You are so far beyond me that my mind, my greatest tool, what I have used to defend myself, is useless when it comes to you. My heart has been guarded for so long because of the hurt you let me go through. All that horrible crap I had to endure as a kid, a teenager and that I’m still going through. But you want me to love you. Do you know how hard it is? Do you? Like, really now? I see all the horrible things we go through on Earth, the horrendous nature of man without you and it makes me want to cry.
I’ve been coming closer to You lately, really going through Your real love letter to us (the Bible) and I get more and more questions. I’ve learned so much, I’ve seen so much of You and yet I still know nothing. I know bugger all about You. It doesn’t matter how much I read, how many books I consume, how many prayers and moments in the Spirit I have, I both come closer to you and feel even more distant. I feel you in my chest, and yet I struggle to understand you intellectually. although I guess that’s probably a good thing, knowing that I can be a prideful jackass.
I know I’ve made some stupid mistakes and I can recall a Facebook post from when I was an angry teenager directly rejecting you, but, now that I know you in my spirit, in my heart, in my person, it completely bewilders me how I could even be so stupid. I used to be a complete liar, a prideful deceiver and someone filled with so much cruelty and hatred, yet you chose to open my eyes and heart to you. Like, what? Who does that? And you did it all through Your Son, Jesus.
I see that everything in Scripture is leading up to Christ, and wow. Lord, we’re coming to the Christmas time, a good time to reflect on the birth of Jesus. But it’s also a time when I get angry. Not just because I have to wear a stupidly hot Santa suit but because of Santa himself. People will hijack Christmas and make it all about ‘giving’ and being generous, which is a good thing but, people will ignore the most important part of it: Christ. Everything comes to Him at the end of days, Jesus will come again and we will finally meet You and worship You properly but somehow, somewhere, people got it wrong and forgot about Him. How?
No matter how many times, I fall off the path, You still stop to pick me back up and love me. You choose to love me constantly, You say you are delighted in me and I am your treasured possession but, this gets so hard to believe. Why do you love us? Love me? I doubt I will ever understand even the smallest glimpse of You but I guess I don’t need to, really. Because I do love You, Father. I want to be with You and do nothing outside of Your will. But it’s hard. Abba it is so hard sometimes. This world can be so hard to be in, not just emotionally but with its desires and temptations. Everything that glitters and is shiny and attractive, I can still feel the tug of sin. Drive it out of me!!! Purify my heart Lord, keep me coming to You. I just want to keep moving to You. I don’t want to be distracted by this world. Let me not be a lukewarm Christian, nor a a fake, but someone who genuinely seeks You. I want nothing more than You in my heart. Empty my heart of its junk and trashy sin, and fill it with You. I want to collapse in Your presence, to worship You and be with You constantly.
God, my God, my Lord, my Father! There are no more words that I can write, for they are written in my heart and You have already read them. I love you Lord.
Here is the link to the Fathers Love Letter.
Have a blessed week everyone.