I debated sharing this for quite a while. This event took place at least a month ago, actually before I started my blog but it’s just been so powerful in my life, that I have wanted to share it with you. And now I will. So I guess let’s get down to it? One last thing before we get started, I don’t cry for anything (unless an animal dies, then I’m gonna bawl like a baby). I’ve been to psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors, etc and haven’t received the emotional healing that I was given in this moment.
So if you read my testimony article (or know me personally), you would know that I carried a lot of trauma from childhood and adolescence with me. Even after I was Saved, I was still very much hurt inside. That emotional wounding worked its way through me in some pretty different ways, like sudden rage or episodes of lethargy and depression and other ways. I was very emotionally shut-off otherwise and struggled to connect with people emotionally.
Recently (I say recently, more likely a few months ago) a friend recommended this emotional healing course at her church, which I at first blew off (If you’re reading this, I’m sorry) but was intrigued by. But then the opportunity to join passed and so I stopped thinking about it. When it came up again later in the year, this friend again pointed it out to me and this time I was determined to at least try it. I mean, what was the worst that could happen right? (Thankfully nothing bad has happened so yay).
It was about two weeks into this course, we had started dealing with our emotional hurt from childhood and something felt weird after that session. The next day I was at home, procrastinating an assignment and listening to some worship music (nothing unusual) when suddenly I heard in my heart, God telling me “Kneel, I am here”. I was a little bit skeptical but then it came again, without a doubt this was from God. And I knelt on my uncomfortable carpet and suddenly, something in my heart changed. I just started to feel hurt, so much hurt, that I wanted to cry. I was eventually on my hands and knees, struggling to breathe through the tears that were fighting to be released. 21 years worth of tears were fighting against me to come out and I can still remember telling myself “Don’t cry. You can’t cry.” over and over and over when suddenly I felt this burning sensation on my chest where my heart was. It felt like the shape of a cross was being branded into my skin. The heat was unbelievable and yet I felt no pain from it. Next thing I knew I was leaning against the wall on my dog’s mat with a few tears coming out and saying to God “Why are you doing this? What is going on?” when I saw something I will never forget. My vision of the room fell away and all I saw in front of me was the feet of Jesus on the cross. Dirty and covered in blood, they were so close to me and I could have kissed them. As I saw this, the burning sensation passed away and my hurt was gone. I couldn’t feel it anymore. It had somehow disappeared. My tears dried up and I could breathe normally. I felt God saying to me in this moment “I have made it okay. It’s okay. You are healed”. I could scarcely believe it. Even now, thinking about it, I’m still amazed by that one singular event.
My message to you from this moment is that, your hurt, your pain and your struggle. I know that pain. I know what it’s like to carry years of hurt with you wherever you go and take into every relationship you have. But don’t lose hope in God because of it. He is amazing and wonderful and loving. He loves you. You can and will be healed. Maybe not now, maybe not next week, maybe not in the next 10 years. But healing does happen in the cross of Christ. So that’s a powerful moment of healing that I experienced from God. All glory to Him!
I hope you’ve enjoyed this and that you get something out of this. God bless you. Go with grace and peace, my dear Brothers and Sisters.